Friday, October 2, 2009

The Life of a SAHM

Last night as I was driving to my monthly triplet mom's dinner I came to a realization. The life of a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) can be a lonely one! Here I was, driving to a dinner with a bunch of ladies I have a lot in common with, get along well with and often refer to as "friends" and yet I only see them once every month or so (I often will miss a dinner as will others due to other commitments, so it's rare that you see the same people each and every month).

I thought about the other SAHM's that I know who have kids one at a time and how infrequently I get together with them. I don't think it's for lack of wanting to, it just seems like the syncing of schedules, naps and then making sure kids are healthy is a big detriment to the "play date".

Getting together with my mom friends who work is even harder! You have to figure because most work Monday through Friday, weekends are sacred family time (and time to run errands and get stuff around the house done)! Finding a free Saturday morning to get together can be brutal.

When Nick and I were trying to conceive I remember dreaming of loading my baby into the stroller and taking long walks with friends, or simple play dates at a friend's house or meeting a friend for lunch with my baby snoozing away next to me in his or her car seat. I thought the SAHM life would be full of outings and it would enable me to not only spend time with my precious bundle of joy, but also stay connected with my friends. Ha! That so did not happen....

Granted, I had three babies at once so I know that makes my case "unique", but I suspect moms of singletons would agree that the SAHM life is not exactly how they pictured it. Even though life is lonely at times and I very often crave an adult conversation (even if it is to swap poop stories), I wouldn't trade my SAHM life for the world. I love getting to watch my boys discover new ways to scale the furniture or pester me their brothers. I love that because I'm home all day I have all this great blog fodder to share with you all! So what if I'm lonely? When the boys go to Kindergarten maybe I can make friends with other SAHM's who suddenly have no kids at home and we'll get together for Chai's (cause I don't do coffee) and lament about our babies no longer being babies.


12 comments:

Keith and Jamie said...

I am not a SAHM, but I totally understand where you are coming from. I have not seen by BFF in a month, just because of schedule conflicts, illness, appointments, and everything else in between. One day, I plan to be able to see my friends...and you are right it will be over a sipping drink when the kids are at school! But until then...I am thankful for all of my "blogger" friends! Across the computer waves...you are all "MY PEEPS"! Thanks for being a friend!

Christina said...

I feel ya! The vision of a SAHM was sipping coffee, wearing my baby to coffee, stores, in my jogging stroller on the trail, swapping tails with other Moms!!
I get ya. ;)

Deanna said...

I am not a SAHM either, but like Jamie said, I understand! Trading the idea of one baby for two or three means an adjustment in plans, as I am still learning. I am also thankful for blog-world, where I at least get to keep up with some other moms out there!

Helen said...

Jamie and Deanna,

Yes! I totally see how it must be so hard for you to get together with friends! Last night when I first started thinking about this post I thought to myself "I need to mention how much harder it must be for the working moms. Sure they have adult interaction, but I bet often times it's not with people they would prefer to spend their days with!" So sorry I forgot to mention it in the post.

And I agree Jamie - blog and internet friends are my lifeline right now!

MamaOtwins+1 said...

I've seen both sides - I was a SAHM with my twins for 3 1/2 years and then I went back to work part time and eventually full time. Now we have three boys and some days I still feel like I don't get to see my friends although I do get some adult conversation each day ;)

Brenda said...

Anything to plug that pile of poop huh Helen? LOL

Seriously though, I completely KWYM and while I'm still a WOHM, connecting with friends is tough. That's why I love my SO07 Moms! Now if we could figure out how to cover that distance problem we have....

MamaOtwins+1 said...

I just gave you an award - come see!

RoseAnneH said...

Having been a SaHM (to Helen) and for seven years a SaHHM (stay at home homeschooling mom) I know how bereft of adult conversation (or any type of intelligent conversation) that kind of life can be. It was better when the kids were older and homeschooled. Now, with my children all gone and producing grandchildren (sometimes 3 at a time :)), I am out in the workforce and I still don't get together much with others outside of work. Sometimes I think it is just a matter of effort - and I should make more of an effort.

Jill said...

Helen,
I totally agree! I always say that some of my best friends live inside of my computer :) It's the only I get to talk to anyone.

breckholladay said...

I think we were a better society when most moms stayed home and the kids all played together in the neighborhoods with cousins and friends. Kids and moms could support each other. Top to bottom we are a very lonely people.

Sarah said...

It's amazing how the day can go by and the only person you've talked to is yourself - with random intervals of babble and a possible meow from the cat - yep it can get a little lonesome, but I'm so sad I have to go back to work in 5 weeks! Found you over at Lani's and following!

Momma-of-5 said...

Thank you. I needed to read your SAHM post today. It's been a rough week and it's about to be another one (Shane leaves tomorrow for a week). I need to remind myself that SAHM life IS a blessing. Even if SAHMOM (SAHM of multiples) isn't what I signed up for and can be lonely and tiring. It's still what we're called to. God knows what he's doing, huh? Moses was called...and he didn't feel equipped! (Do you think our kids whine as much as the Israelites did?)

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